Category Archives: Spirituality, Self-Care and Self-Love

Harmony and Menopause: How to Regain Your Life’s Spark

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woman surrounded by sunflowers

Harmony and Menopause

How to Regain Your Life’s Spark

Harmony can feel like a distant dream when menopause turns your world upside down. Hot flashes, mood swings, and fatigue can be overwhelming. As if that weren’t enough, you might feel other things slipping away—the fun, the excitement, the spark that makes life joyful.

Here’s where you can start, and it’s simpler than you think: The Circle of Life. Got five minutes? That’s all it takes to check in on your life satisfaction.

This tool breaks life into twelve areas, helping you see what’s working and what’s not. It’s your first step to reigniting your spark and restoring harmony. While menopause symptoms can be unpredictable, there are plenty of areas where you can take control.

Ready to get started?

The Circle of Life Exercise

Print a copy here so you can make notes if needed. You can also use the electronic version here from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.

Place your dot in each of the twelve sections.

Connect the dots, and you’ll see a clear picture of where you need to put a little more time and energy to feel more balanced and happier.

Take it a step further by revisiting each dot and asking yourself why you feel the way you do. If you’ve printed it, jot down your thoughts directly on the page for clarity.

When life feels overwhelming, return to your Circle and review the areas where you’re doing well. Focus on feeling grateful for those wins to help bring positivity back into your life.

What To Do with This Information

Below, you’ll find ideas and suggestions to help boost satisfaction in each of the twelve areas of your Circle, along with book recommendations.

If you’re looking for a book that covers all twelve areas, check out Integrative Nutrition: A Whole-Life Approach to Health and Happiness by Joshua Rosenthal, the Founder of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN).

1. Joy

Joy is an essential part of holistic wellness, representing deep inner peace that aligns with your personal values.

Menopause symptoms, negative self-talk, resistance to change, and limiting beliefs can all disrupt your sense of joy.

smiling woman at the beach

Comparing yourself to others can also make maintaining joy and emotional well-being hard. To nurture joy and harmony, focus on expressing gratitude, serving others, and surrounding yourself with uplifting, supportive people.

Try books Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer and Comparisonitis: A Guide to Finding Happiness in a Social Media World by Melissa Ambrosini.

2. Spirituality

Spirituality is about focusing on the human spirit or soul rather than the material or physical aspects of life. People often connect with spirituality through a belief in something greater that guides them—whether it’s the Universe, God, or Guardian Angels.

The beautiful thing about spirituality is that there’s no wrong way to discover it. Mediation, journaling, and walks in nature are easy ways to connect with your definition of spirituality.

Consider The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle, which offers practical techniques for living in the present moment. Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams by Gabby Bernstein.

3. Creativity

Creativity isn’t just for artists or writers—it’s something we all have. We tap into our creativity daily as we explore options and ideas. This can be organizing a room, decorating a cake, gardening, or solving a problem. When you’re looking for harmony, check in with your creativity.

Despite the common belief that creativity is an inborn talent, it’s actually a skill. From painting and writing to playing music or cooking, all creative pursuits require practice to grow and thrive.

Check out The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield and Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert. They are great books that help you get unstuck and start creating.

4. Finances

Finding satisfaction with your finances doesn’t mean you need to be wealthy. Instead, it’s about being responsible and living within your means.

Setting clear goals, paying bills on time, and regularly saving for the future can foster peace and financial stability.

It’s not uncommon for finances, especially retirement planning, to become a focus as we get older, and money management to become crucial.

Try books Women & Money by Suze Orman and Clever Girl Finance: Ditch Debt, Save Money and Build Real Wealth by Bola Sokunbi. Bola offers a fantastic series on topics like growing your money and side hustles, which are both highly informative and completely free.

5. Career

Finding job satisfaction can be challenging for many people, and harmony often seems a distant dream.

While a job might provide financial stability, it can also be emotionally draining. Long hours, a stressful commute, or work that doesn’t align with your unique strengths and passions are the most common.

For many people in their 40s, the idea of starting a second career or side hustle may become appealing. As you navigate menopause, you can embark on a journey of liberation with a fresh perspective on your career.

Check out Sparked: Discover Your Unique Imprint for Work that Makes You Come Alive by Jonathan Fields. He has a unique perspective on helping you figure out your inner strengths. A real motivator is Two Weeks Notice: Find the Courage to Quit Your Job, Make More Money, Work Where You Want, and Change the World by Amy Porterfield. In this book, she shares her well-known step-by-step process for leaving your job and starting your own business.

6. Education

After completing a four-year program, many students face a substantial tuition bill and a career path unrelated to their field. For those navigating menopause, this phase offers a unique chance to reassess priorities and consider new directions.

If you’re considering a career change or learning a new skill, affordable options are available that align with your interests. Online platforms and community colleges with trade programs provide excellent starting points for exploring new opportunities.

If you’re on the fence and unsure how to balance yet another thing on your plate, check out Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo.

7. Health

Maintaining well-being during menopause may involve managing weight, staying fit, addressing health concerns, or doing all three.

When your body is in harmony, your mind follows suit, promoting overall balance and well-being.

Open communication with your doctor is essential for addressing health concerns and staying proactive about your well-being. Staying up to date on health screenings helps you navigate this stage of life with greater confidence and peace of mind.

For the family, check out Nourish: The Definitive Plant-Based Nutrition Guide for Families: With Tips & Recipes for Bringing Health, Joy, & Connection to Your Dinner Table by Reshma Shah and Brenda Davis.

If you’re thinking about having a life without animal products, read The Proof Is in the Plants: How Science Shows a Plant-Based Diet Could Save Your Life (and the Planet) by Simon Hill.

If sleep is your challenge and you think it doesn’t matter, check out The Sleep Revolution: Transforming Your Life, One Night at a Time by Arianna Huffington.

8. Physical Activity



The benefits of physical activity during menopause are endless, helping you stay strong and healthy as your body changes.

Cardio exercises strengthen your heart and lungs, while strength training supports muscle and bone health.

Yoga and stretching improve balance and flexibility, which are especially important during menopause. Finding what works for you is a personal journey, as your preferences may change over time.

The good news is you don’t need to exercise for hours each day to see meaningful results. Start by incorporating cardio on most days, such as walking, and include two strength-training sessions each week.

A fun book to check out is Next Level: Your Guide to Kicking Ass, Feeling Great, and Crushing Goals Through Menopause and Beyond by Stacy Sims.

Don’t forget about online programs such as Paula B Fitness and Uplifted Yoga, both on YouTube.

9. Home Cooking

Home cooking has countless benefits, from giving you control over ingredients to encouraging healthier choices.

It’s also more budget-friendly than dining out. Beyond the nutritional perks, cooking can be therapeutic, offering a chance to practice mindfulness, relieve stress, and, you guessed it, harmony.

Ultimately, home cooking is a holistic approach to well-being, providing nourishment for the body and a rewarding, enjoyable experience for the soul.

Reading books like Fiber Fueled: The Plant-Based Gut Health Program for Losing Weight, Restoring Your Health, and Optimizing Your Microbiome by Dr. Will Bulsiewicz and The 30-Day Alzheimer’s Solution: The Definitive Food and Lifestyle Guide to Preventing Cognitive Decline by Drs. Dean and Ayesha Sherzai will motivate you and give you great recipes.

10. Home Environment

Clutter-free spaces reduce stress and anxiety, helping to create a sense of control and calm in your environment.

Incorporating natural materials fosters harmony and connects you to the environment, making your space feel more balanced.

Adding plants improves indoor air quality and supports overall well-being in a simple and effective manner. You create a sanctuary that promotes harmony and emotional wellness by mindfully designing your space.

Invest in a high-quality HEPA filter unit. If you’re unsure where to start, check out Marie Kondo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.

11. Relationships

Every relationship in your life affects your well-being, influencing your health, finances, and even the meals on your table.

This includes relationships with parents, children, friends, and partners, all of which play a significant role.

Strong, supportive relationships uplift and inspire you, contributing to your emotional and mental well-being. Unhealthy connections, on the other hand, may drain your energy and hinder your personal growth. Focusing on meaningful, positive relationships helps create a more balanced and fulfilling life.

One of the most popular books is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman, which digs deep into the core of our romantic relationships, and The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Miguel Ruiz.

Lastly, if you are looking for a book to improve your relationship with yourself, How Are You, Really?: Living Your Truth One Answer at a Time by Jenna Kutcher is a great one.

12. Social Life

Balancing family and career is a common challenge, often leaving little time for social connections.

Catching up with your tribe can feel almost impossible, leading to feelings of isolation. To combat this, make a conscious effort to reach out once a week or schedule a coffee date with someone you haven’t seen in a while.

These connections play a vital role in supporting the emotional well-being, balance, and harmony you crave.

A powerful book that helps you understand the importance of connection and how to cultivate them is A Tribe Called Bliss: Break Through Superficial Friendships, Create Real Connections, Reach Your Highest Potential by Lori Harder.

You Got This

Menopause may feel like an uphill battle, but it’s also an opportunity to take stock of your life and reconnect with the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. The Circle of Life is a simple yet powerful tool to guide you through this journey, helping you identify areas that need more attention and celebrate the parts of your life that are thriving.

By taking small, intentional steps toward balance and well-being—whether through creativity, physical activity, or meaningful relationships—you can rediscover your spark and create a life that truly aligns with who you are. Remember, this journey is yours to design, and even the smallest changes can lead to big transformations.

If you found something useful here, don’t hesitate to click like and don’t forget to subscribe to Fabulous at Forty & Beyond and check out more INC Fabulous at Forty & Beyond – Spirituality, Self-Care and Self-Love!

*Health and wellness coaches engage in evidence-based, client-centered processes that facilitate and empower clients to develop and achieve self-determined, health and wellness goals. We do not diagnose, interpret medical data, prescribe or de-prescribe, recommend supplements, provide nutrition consultation or create meal plans, provide exercise prescription or instruction, consult and advise, or provide psychological therapeutic interventions or treatment.

Life Balance Isn’t the Goal—Do This Instead

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Life Balance Isn’t the Goal

Do This Instead

Life balance sounds like something you should aim for. You’ve got work, family, errands, responsibilities, hobbies, goals—and maybe a little time left over for your health. It feels like you’re always trying to juggle everything without dropping anything.

During the menopause transition, this gets harder. You don’t move or think the way you used to. Your energy changes. Your capacity shrinks. And yet life keeps moving fast.

So let’s be honest—trying to balance everything perfectly is a setup for failure.
Let go of life balance as a destination. What you need is harmony.

Why Harmony Over Life Balance?

You create harmony when you do more of what lights you up and less of what drags you down. But that doesn’t happen by accident. It takes clarity and action.

woman laughing with blue mug

Harmony is about living in a way that feels good—where your choices align with your values, your energy, and your capacity. It’s less about doing it all and more about doing what actually matters.

Start With These 7 Questions

Grab a journal and take the time to answer these. You might find clarity right away, or it might take a while—and that’s okay. The point is to start.

  1. What feels out of alignment?
  2. What are you holding onto that no longer fits?
  3. Where do you feel drained?
  4. What’s keeping you up at night?
  5. What do you want more of?
  6. Where do you want to grow?
  7. Who lifts you up—and who doesn’t?

This process isn’t about perfection. It’s about being honest with yourself and using that honesty to guide your next steps.

Take Action

Once you’ve answered the questions, it’s time to make some changes.

Fix what’s broken.

Modify what can work better.

Let go of what no longer fits.

That’s how you begin to shift from chaos to clarity. You won’t get there overnight, but you will get there faster if you stop pretending that doing everything is the answer.

Final Thoughts on Life Balance

Life balance is often sold as a finish line. But you don’t need a perfectly balanced life—you need one that makes sense for you. Harmony is about alignment, not achievement.
When things feel off, don’t work harder. Reflect. Adjust. Choose what brings peace and purpose.

When you live from that space, you’ll stop chasing balance—and start creating a life that feels just right.

If you found something useful here, don’t hesitate to click like and don’t forget to subscribe to Fabulous at Forty & Beyond and check out more INC Fabulous at Forty & Beyond – Spirituality, Self-Care and Self-Love!

*Health and wellness coaches engage in evidence-based, client-centered processes that facilitate and empower clients to develop and achieve self-determined, health and wellness goals. We do not diagnose, interpret medical data, prescribe or de-prescribe, recommend supplements, provide nutrition consultation or create meal plans, provide exercise prescription or instruction, consult and advise, or provide psychological therapeutic interventions or treatment.

Mindfulness in Real Life: 4 Ways to Be Present Without Overthinking It

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Mindfulness in Real Life

4 Ways to Be Present Without Overthinking It

Mindfulness often gets boxed into something it doesn’t need to be. It’s not just meditation cushions, quiet rooms, or carving out twenty uninterrupted minutes you don’t have.

It’s everyday awareness.

And if you’re in the middle of the menopause transition, staying present can feel harder than it used to. Your mind jumps faster. Your patience runs thinner. Your body pulls your attention in ways you didn’t expect.

You’re not imagining that.

When everything feels like it’s moving too fast, the answer isn’t doing more. It’s learning how to come back to where you already are.

Why Being Present Feels So Hard

It’s easy to tell yourself to “live in the moment,” but that doesn’t mean much when your thoughts are pulled in ten different directions.

You may notice:

  • Your mind is replaying conversations long after they’re over
  • Worry about what’s coming next before you’ve finished what’s in front of you
  • Feeling disconnected from conversations, even when you’re part of them
  • A constant sense that you should be doing something else

This isn’t a lack of discipline. It’s how the brain works when it’s overloaded.
Being present isn’t about shutting off your thoughts. It’s about giving your attention somewhere to land.

4 Ways to Be More Present in Your Daily Life

These aren’t complicated. They’re small shifts you can use in real time, especially when you feel overwhelmed or scattered.

Purposeful Breathing

Your breathing changes when you’re stressed, whether you notice it or not. Short, quick inhales keep your body in a heightened state.

Slowing your breath—especially your exhale—signals your body to settle.

woman closing her eyes against sun light standing near purple petaled flower plant

A Simple Reset:

Inhale through your nose for four seconds
Exhale through your mouth for six seconds
Do this for a couple of minutes. It doesn’t need to be perfect.
Then take a moment to notice your surroundings. Name a few things you can see. It pulls you out of your head and back into your environment.

Use Your Voice to Ground Yourself

Your brain can’t fully focus on your thoughts and your voice at the same time.
That’s what makes this simple but effective.

When your mind starts to spiral, say what you see out loud.

The sky, the trees, the sounds around you. It doesn’t matter what it is.
It might feel awkward, but it works. Sometimes, when life feels like too much, it helps to shrink your focus. Not the whole day. Not the whole week. Just the next few minutes.

Listen Without Filling the Space

Most of us listen with the intention of responding, not understanding.
And it shows. The next time someone is talking to you, pause before you answer. Give it a few seconds. Let what they said settle before you jump in.

That pause keeps you present in the conversation rather than pulling you out of it.

It also changes how the other person feels. Being heard—really heard—is rare.

Create Small Moments That Interrupt the Chaos

If your day feels nonstop, it probably is. That’s why intentional breaks matter.
Not long ones. Not complicated ones. Just consistent ones.

A short walk
A quiet cup of tea
A few minutes of journaling

Move your body in a way that feels good.

Bringing Yourself Back to the Moment

You don’t need to overhaul your life to feel more present. You need a few ways to come back when your mind drifts—which it will. Movement can help. So can simple routines.

Even something small that reminds you to pause and notice where you are.

Because when you’re stuck in the past or focused on the future, you’re not actually in your life. You’re in your thoughts. And your life is happening right now.

The Shift That Happens Over Time

You’re not going to get this right every day.

There will be moments you miss. Conversations you rush through. Days that feel like they slip by faster than you wanted them to. That’s part of it.

But the more often you bring yourself back—even briefly—the more natural it becomes.

A little more control over how you move through your day. Over time, that changes how your life feels. Not because everything is perfect. But because you’re actually in it.

If you found something useful here, don’t hesitate to click like and don’t forget to subscribe to Fabulous at Forty & Beyond and check out more INC Fabulous at Forty & Beyond – Spirituality, Self-Care and Self-Love!

*Health and wellness coaches engage in evidence-based, client-centered processes that facilitate and empower clients to develop and achieve self-determined, health and wellness goals. We do not diagnose, interpret medical data, prescribe or de-prescribe, recommend supplements, provide nutrition consultation or create meal plans, provide exercise prescription or instruction, consult and advise, or provide psychological therapeutic interventions or treatment.

5 Things That Happen When You Get Outside

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5 Things That Happen When You Get Outside…

Are you looking to recharge, solve a problem, or make your menopause more manageable? Go outside. It doesn’t mean you need to spend hours outdoors; sometimes, it happens with your first breath.

Studies show that when you spend too much time indoors, you miss out on optimal physical and mental health opportunities that are drug and copay free. If you’re trying to enhance your HRT treatment, or avoid it all together, nature is key.

Today, forget your to-do list for a half hour and experience the elements of Mother Nature. You can bet your comfy yoga pants with pockets you’ll be happy you did, and here’s what to expect:

You breathe better

This is why you should open your windows. Even with pollution, the air we breathe inside is two to five times worse. In addition, the more greenery in your neighborhood, the fewer perimenopausal babes are likely to die of respiratory diseases.

If there’s a shortage of plants and trees in your area, bring them into your home with a Peace Lily, Golden Pothos, Aloe Vera, Spider Plant, or a Boston Fern.

Improves your sleep

Sleep deprivation is at the top of the list of complaints during perimenopause and can be the most challenging to figure out. Your body gets confused when you should sleep because of constant exposure to artificial lights. Sunlight keeps your circadian rhythm, well in rhythm. There’s only one way to get sunlight.

An easy way to balance your circadian rhythm with nature is to go outside for at least ten minutes when you wake up, assuming it’s after sunrise. This tells your body to get going. Do the same mid-afternoon, which is much better for your body than that afternoon latte.

Reduces depression

I’m part of a FB group for those that struggle with menopausal symptoms. I read a post about depression that created 72 responses in less than an hour where experiences were shared, and many were heartbreaking.

Medication can support your depression, but a good doctor will encourage you to include nature in your day. A walk in the park, watching the birds, or exploring a forest will lift you up like nothing else.

You are more likely to exercise

Lacking the motivation to exercise is common during the transition. When you go outside, your body gets a recharge that may motivate you to carry light weights while picking up the pace. Walking is a weight-bearing exercise that is easy to do and helps your lower body support you for decades to come.

Exercise doesn’t have to be participating in The Muddy Princess, even though women of all ages do. Gardening is a great workout, and guess what? You are in nature again.

Boosts your immune system

When you get outside, you’re no longer in your home that may be sterilized with chemicals. Outside, you get small doses of germs, such as allergens, that help you create immunity. When you were little, your parents sent you out to eat dirt, figurately and literally. There’re are health benefits to letting you make mud pies.

Being outside also lowers your blood pressure and pulse rate, especially if you leave the phone behind. If you continue to add exercise on your outings, you improve your heart and lung efficiency, not to mention create strong legs. Many doctor’s offices have posters encouraging patients to get in nature.

Small things you can do to get close to nature.

Go outside with your first cup of coffee. Check the weather or just be present.

Water your indoor plants. Thank them for producing the clean oxygen you need.

Lunchtime walk. If you have a crazy boss, this is a win in every way.

Purposefully use your senses. Smell a flower, feel the air on your skin, and hug a tree!

Seek the rain. It may ruin your hair, but it creates an internal cleansing you can get only from running water.

Enjoy the sunrise or sunset. Make it a daily practice. You don’t have many in your lifetime.

Star gaze. It may be nighttime, but Mother Nature never sleeps.

If you are looking for accountability and motivation, get your free Time in Nature Wellness Workbook. In this guide you will assess where you’re at and plan where you want to be, in small increments so your new goals are sustainable.

Don’t forget to like this post, of course only if you did. Leave a comment and share how you sneak nature time in your day. If you really like Fabulous at Forty & Beyond sign up to get email notifications when a new post magically appears.

Wait, there’s more! Make sure you get your copy of Embrace Menopause: 5 Key Actions for Optimal Well-being. It’s your roadmap to reclaiming control and embracing every moment of your menopausal transition.

This invaluable resource will transform your transition from uncertainty to empowerment, starting today and lasting far into the future. Get your guide today.

Meditation for Overthinkers: 3 Beliefs Blocking Your Path to Inner Peace

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woman meditating by the river

Meditation for Overthinkers

3 Beliefs Blocking Your Path to Inner Peace

Meditation can feel impossible, especially if you have a mind that never slows down. For overthinkers, the idea of sitting still and clearing your thoughts might seem frustrating—or even pointless. But meditation isn’t about turning off your mind; it’s about learning how to navigate through the noise.

Now’s your chance to learn practical steps to make peace with your thoughts instead of battling them. Here, you’ll uncover what might be holding you back and explore simple techniques that work for a busy mind. Meditation doesn’t need perfection—just your willingness to start. Let’s create a meditation practice that fits perfectly into your life, one step at a time.

You Must Clear Your Mind

Many guided meditations encourage you to see your thoughts as clouds passing in the sky while focusing on your breath. As humans, it’s virtually impossible to stop thoughts completely. So, let them come, notice them, and then let them pass.

mom and child meditating

Sit Cross-Legged on the Floor

Ever wondered why walking is often suggested when you’re upset or need clarity? It’s active meditation. Moving slowly, focusing on each step, can calm a busy mind. Thich Nhat Hanh popularized this, making it ideal for those in lively homes or lacking quiet spaces.

walking meditation

You Need Twenty Minutes

For many, finding twenty minutes is tough. If you have two minutes, use them! Try pausing in your car after work to reset. After a stressful day, this moment helps you bring calm to your loved ones. You could even make it a family routine!

family meditating

Three Tips to Meditate Like a Pro

Find Your Position

For knee or hip issues, use a chair or even your car seat. If floor sitting is uncomfortable, try a meditation bench.

Find Your Mudra

Mudra, a Sanskrit word, means a joy-promoting hand gesture. The Gyana Mudra, linked to the root chakra, symbolizes unity and grounding, especially helpful in chaos.

Find Your Mantra

A mantra can calm a racing mind. “Sat Nam” means “truth is my essence.” Repeat it aloud or silently, adjusting as needed.

woman closing her eyes against sun light standing near purple petaled flower plant

More Thoughts on Meditation

Meditation offers benefits that go far beyond the quiet moments you spend with yourself. It can reduce stress, improve focus, and even enhance your physical well-being by lowering blood pressure and boosting your immune system. When you make time for meditation, you’re nurturing a calm, grounded presence that positively impacts every area of your life.

As you build your practice, remember that meditation is a journey, not a destination. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. Each session helps you connect more deeply with yourself, fostering resilience and a sense of inner peace. Embrace this practice as a gift to yourself, one that grows with you over time.

If you found something useful here don’t hesitate to click like and don’t forget to subscribe to Fabulous at Forty & Beyond and check out more INC Fabulous at Forty & Beyond – Spirituality, Self-Care and Self-Love!

*Health and wellness coaches engage in evidence-based, client-centered processes that facilitate and empower clients to develop and achieve self-determined, health and wellness goals. We do not diagnose, interpret medical data, prescribe or de-prescribe, recommend supplements, provide nutrition consultation or create meal plans, provide exercise prescription or instruction, consult and advise, or provide psychological therapeutic interventions or treatment.

Yes, My Therapist Says I Have Issues

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Yes, My Therapist Says I Have Issues…

When you see a therapist, you always have homework, either said out loud or not, forever. When I would roll into an appointment, I usually talked about what someone else failed to do. Very few people in my life were doing anything right; if they were, it was because they were doing what I said. Is anyone out there slowly recognizing themselves in what I just said? If not, you might be in denial because I am not the only Miss Menopausal Hyde (MMH) out there.

On a particular bat-shit crazy day, my therapist said we would discuss a river. How appropriate! My hormones were raging like one, and I was MMH at my best. I was confused, though; I was wondering if it was Colorado or Missouri, and wait, this is my copay we are spending. I decided to sit quietly and see what happened next.

In her soft and soothing voice, which she really did have, she begins telling me that Dr. Daniel Siegel was the first to talk about this river, The River of Integration (aka River of Wellbeing), in his book Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation and she would like to share it with me. Great, I don’t have to worry about geography! Not so great; I know we are about to go deep into my murky mind, like the Mississippi.

She drew a picture with two wavy lines on either side of the stick figure representation of me. It wasn’t art and wouldn’t sell for much, but it was priceless to me after she explained it. She explains that Dr. Siegel uses the metaphor of a river, with two banks on each side, rigidity (imposing control, left brain), and chaos (out of control, right brain). In my mind, I see party and booze on one side and Mary Poppins on the other.

Stability is when we are in our boat, slowly moving down the middle observing the banks but staying in the middle. My smart-ass outside voice said I am constantly setting up camp and building tiny houses on the banks of both sides as if I owned them. She gave me that look, you know, that knowing look.

Note: I have since then searched the internet and found a perfect picture to replace the one she drew. Below is me, all prickly and plump, rowing upstream! Thank you, internet and my snip-it tool.

After she was satisfied with sharing her Picasso, she flipped the card over and wrote four phrases that have stuck with me, like Gorilla Glue. She said when I find MMH taking over, I need to immediately start working through these, and it isn’t actually that hard to do.

First, I need to be open and curious about why my circumstances feel out of control. Most of the time, my life feels out of control when I am tired or hungry, but there have been times that the circumstances triggered deep emotions I never resolved. But only I can determine why I am responding to events the way that I am.

That leads to the second one, what do I need? Do I need to remove myself from the circumstances, ask to be heard, or get a Snickers? You must determine what you need. Running around yelling and screaming does nothing but make you look crazy. After a while, it doesn’t work anymore anyway because that is now your MO, and you are ignored.

Next on the list is having no expectations. Sometimes this is appropriate, like when your employer is supposed to pay you. Other times not so much. Mind reading is tough; if someone needs to read your mind to figure out what you want, you do not play fair. Also, when it comes to expectations, these are subjective.

Finally, it is what it is. What can you change? Does a person’s behavior annoy you, but that is just how they are with everyone? Does reading the news get you fired up and send you into a rant? There are things you are in control of and others you just need to choose to walk away.

I’m not done yet, there is more.

Now, if you know me, you know I got the book. Yes, Dr. Siegel’s book because that is how I roll. My therapist, with the soothing voice, who missed her calling creating meditation recordings, was terrific at explaining the river to me, but I really wanted the book.

I also know I am giving the book a disservice with my little thoughts and snippets below because it is one that helped me work through a lot of my mental baggage while I was getting sober and taught me how to get through most anything that happens in my life. I recommend you get the book if anything below resonates with you.

There are four secrets to wellbeing: Resilience, Outlook, Attention, and Generosity.

Resilience. This is when the tornado happens, and instead of going to Oz, you open your eyes and are back home. I now measure my resilience by how quickly I get back home, figuratively. I used to hold grudges like nobody could and could last for years. Now I could not imagine carrying any negative emotion beyond a few moments. I have better ways to spend my time. How to exercise this? Regular mindfulness meditations. Yep, that is what the science reports work, and I can attest it works.

Outlook. The ability to see others and experiences in a basic sense of goodness or positivity. Easier said than done, huh? A simple analogy is one I often experience; my car breaks down. I have named her Stephanie after the Stephanie Plum series. If you haven’t read them, do so. You will laugh out loud and maybe pee your pants! Since I know it can be fixed and still have a car, unlike Stephanie Plum herself, I can be grateful and have a better outlook! A helpful practice is a different kind of meditation called lovingkindness meditation.

Attention. A great quote is, “A wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” So, you ask yourself, “What am I doing?” “Where is my mind focused?” and “Am I happy or unhappy?” If you are focused and thinking of only what you are doing and that is making you happy, then you are positioned in the river. If you aren’t focused on what you are doing because you are future tripping or thinking about the past, you are no longer giving your attention to the present. The ability to effortlessly bring yourself back to the present moment is critical. Practice this every day. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Generosity. This is huge for me. I find there is no better way to get out of my waist-high poop than to help someone else. This is taught in all 12-step programs and many spirituality courses. It’s hard to fall out of the boat when you are helping others. Listening to someone else is the most unselfish thing you can do. It can be as simple as when you ask someone how they are doing, and they say O.K. or shrug, instead of bolting away as fast as you can, say, “How are You Really?” and listen to them. We all want to be heard, especially when we are hurting.

Sometimes you can’t change your circumstances but can change how you respond to them. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react. I know that is a quote from somewhere, and I once wrote it on a friend’s whiteboard, and the problem with writing something down is I have trouble forgetting it.

So, there it is. A 50-minute session with my therapist that I feared would be a geography lesson instead I learned how to tame MMH and reminded me that I should have more faith in Stephanie.