Mindfulness in Real Life
4 Ways to Be Present Without Overthinking It
Mindfulness often gets boxed into something it doesn’t need to be. It’s not just meditation cushions, quiet rooms, or carving out twenty uninterrupted minutes you don’t have.
It’s everyday awareness.
And if you’re in the middle of the menopause transition, staying present can feel harder than it used to. Your mind jumps faster. Your patience runs thinner. Your body pulls your attention in ways you didn’t expect.
You’re not imagining that.
When everything feels like it’s moving too fast, the answer isn’t doing more. It’s learning how to come back to where you already are.
Why Being Present Feels So Hard
It’s easy to tell yourself to “live in the moment,” but that doesn’t mean much when your thoughts are pulled in ten different directions.
You may notice:
- Feeling disconnected from conversations, even when you’re part of them
A constant sense that you should be doing something else
- Your mind is replaying conversations long after they’re over
Exhaling is when your body releases stress. Do the exercise below twice a day, and you’ll notice that you find it easier to tackle daily tasks and may have more patience with people who annoy you.
- Gently place your hands on your lap and close your eyes if possible.
- Breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds; ensure that breath expands your belly, not your chest.
- Exhale through your mouth for 6 seconds. Think about the air leaving your belly upwards and out your mouth.
- Repeat no less than five times but aim for two minutes.
- Now look around you; what do you see? Think in your mind or say things like, ” I see the lights, the chair, the sun, whatever is around you, ” but pick five things.
- Practice this often, especially when you are overwhelmed or having a hot flash!
Talk to yourself
Talking to yourself works like a mantra. You can’t do this and think about the past or the future simultaneously; your brain isn’t wired to let you think about multiple things at once.
The best time to practice this is when you’re anxious. Head outside and look around. Say out loud the colors in the sky or the shape of the trees. Talk to the squirrels and the birds; sometimes, they’ll talk back.
In the early days of my sobriety, a great friend who passed with cancer reminded me when life is a mess, live it ten minutes at a time, and it works. Full disclosure, some other colorful words were involved, but I try to keep this PG-13.
Stop talking all together
There is no greater gift than to be present for someone who needs to be heard. Do you listen to what people say to you, or do you think about what you want to say?
Next time you have a conversation, be an intentional listener. Allow three pauses after your friend speaks before you begin. During this time, focus only on what they said.
Silence is precious. Those who’ve spent long hours on a therapist’s couch know how it feels to be heard. If you’re seeking the co-pay free therapy session that changed my life, head to Yes, My Therapist Said I Have Issues.
Self-care Rituals
Are your days loaded with chaos, and you’re barely living life by the seat of your pants? Self-care rituals are the place to start. Build a morning and evening ritual that creates a break in your day. This can be a five-minute walk, journaling, or tea.
Or you can channel Jen Harding in Dead to Me, go to your car, and headbang with heavy metal or break out in a fun dance. You do you.
Other great ways to get into the present moment.
Yoga requires concentration. Most moves focus on the exhale, your goal. If you’ve never tried yoga, check out 3 Things Yoga and Star Wars Have in Common, and the 30-Day Yoga Challenge. Five minutes a day to start and commit to a practice.
The Yamas & Niyamas of Yoga, How to Master Your Joy in 10 Weeks. This is your free introduction to the most important principles of yoga that’ll change your entire life, no yoga required, really, no mat.
During lockdown, I bought a rebounder for my grandson and me to destress and support our lymphatic systems. It’s become one of our favorite things to do, and we include a little competition for the best moves. It’s a great way to destress.
I found a little rock at a thrift store that sits in my living room that says, “No treasure can replace one single lost moment.” When you stress about the past or future, you miss out on today. Those are thoughts, worlds that don’t exist. Your days are short. When you make the most of each one, you find joy and peace, and life’s challenges are easier.